It seems fitting that our first post be entitled MURDERCABIN. Tiny Spatula invited eight of our friends out to a cabin we’d rented near Leavenworth, WA for a weekend of hot tubbin’, eatin’, and, of course, drankin’.
The cabin we rented had an open floor plan and an even more open yard that possessed a hot tub, wood-fired sauna, fire pit, horse shoe rings, tiny two bed cottage, and a tool shed where we found bocce ball and four hula hoops! Nosy Rosie investigated every nook and cranny in the small cabin and found a treasure trove of Russian funstuff, including a saucy tale of lost love from Chernobyl, cool maps, and odd soviet pins.
On to the point of this, FOOD.
MurderCabin Weekend Menu:
French Toast Bake
Chicken Apple Sage Sausages
Tacos al Pastor
Burgers are easy. I used 80/20 fat content in my burgers because it’s fucking delicious and the fat will bubble out, shrinking the burger, but still keeping it moist and not dry. I made about 5 lbs worth of burgers for the ten of us, yeah I over did it, and mixed in some minced shallot, garlic, this great shredded smoked jack cheese called Campfire by Mt. Townsend Creamery (seriously, it’s the BEST), a few tbsp of Worcestershire sauce for zazz, and the usual salt and pepper combo. (I’ve experimented with throwing an egg in burger meat as a binder, but I’m not a fan of the creamy sort of texture it produces. I like my meat meaty meaty meat meat.) Toss all your ingredients into a giant bowl and mix it up with your hands, don’t be a pansy, get in there. You want to mix it enough so it’s evenly distributed and no more, otherwise it’ll fall apart and you’ll be all depressed about your crumbly burger business. Grill over high heat or cook in a pan to desired doneness. Also, toast dem buns with some butter, grease, or oil slathered on. Toasty buns make a burger perfect!
Just the Tip: Pressing a thumb print into the center of the patty when cooking helps it keep its shape. Saw that one on the T.V.
I was never a fan of coleslaw until I found this recipe on Living Tastefully. Easy, light, and delicious! I prefer to use red cabbage because it’s prettier. The Coleslaw Some Other Chick Makes.
You gotta be pretty bad at life to fuck up a salad. You basically just throw whatever you want in there, toss it in the air like a dumb baby, drizzle some dressing on dere and you got cherself a dang good salad. I usually just put some balsamic vinegar or oil as my dressing.
UpChuck Salad (I’ve been watching a lot of Daria lately)
Bag o salad, normal size, we used mixed greens
2 tsp Olive Oil, as virgin as you like it
2 tsp Lemon Juice
Cheese, we used feta, but go goat sometime
1 package of fresh raspberries or other berry
½ c chopped nuts, we used walnuts
Get yourself a big ole bowl. Put the oil, lemon juice, and some fresh cranked pepper in the bottom and mix. Throw in your salad and toss until coated. Crumble your cheese of choice into the bowl with your raspberries and nuts and toss until just evenly distributed. BAM. Salad.
Saturday, Rosie and I arose at the crack of like 9 AM or something and discovered my damn eye was swollen! Some critter bit right at the corner in the night, serves me right for sleeping outside, and my eye puffed up like Carl Weathers’ face in Rocky.
French Toast Bake, by ROSIE!!!!
2c whole milk
1/2c heavy cream
1/2 c sugar
1 1/2 T vanilla
1/2 t cinnamon
1 stick cold butter
1/2 c brown sugar
1 t cinnamon
1/2 c flour
1/4 t salt
I got this recipe from BUST Magazine. It was in an article about how just because you’re not in middle school anymore (You’re not, right? God, I’m going to have to start checking IDs at the door.) doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still have sleepovers with your ladies. I agree! And this makes a tasty breakfast.
Ok, so, butter a 9×13″ pan. Tear the bread into 1-2″ pieces and throw them into the pan. Mix together the rest of the ingredients and pour over the bread. I sometimes add a little nutmeg and clove just for kicks. If the egg mixture doesn’t totally cover the bread, add some more milk and eggs. It needs to soak into the bread and it won’t if there isn’t enough. Refrigerate overnight so it really soaks in.
In the morning, preheat the oven to 350F and mix together the brown sugar, cinnamon, flour, and salt. Cut the butter into this mixture. I just use my hands to do this so it’s easy not to overmix it. A pastry blender is a handy tool if you don’t like to get messy, but it’s a completely unnecessary kitchen gadget. Although I do like to use mine to make the lines on top of peanut butter cookies. Anyway, you should end up with the butter being about chickpea size. Sprinkle this over the bread mixture and bake for 1 hour.
If you have maple syrup, obviously you should put it on your French Toast stuff, but it’s still good without. But, you know, a little sad and empty.
Back to LIZ!!
I got this sausage recipe from the same wonderful lady at Living Tastefully. Excellent if pattied as directed, but we ended up making a sort of hash with it. Chicken Apple Sage Sausages
Dinner Saturday night is Mexican themed because Mexican food is best food. You will never convince me otherwise.
We haven’t talked about how much I love pork. How much I am IN love with pork. I love its sexy texture, the sultry smell as it roasts, how a big fat hunk of pork butt that’s so tender it’s falling apart, melts in my mouth. I like to talk to it. Call it dirty names that should only be spoken in private. It’s the love of my life. You’re allowed to feel as awkward as anyone who walks into my kitchen feels when they catch me calling a browning piece of meat a sexy little bitch.
This is the carnitas recipe, it wasn’t the best, but that’s ok since I can’t remember where I got it from anyway.
Slow Cooker Carnitas
2 teaspoon salt
5 cloves minced garlic
1 can green chiles
2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon crumbled dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (4 pound) boneless pork shoulder roast
2 bay leaves
2 cups chicken broth
¼ c chili sauce
Mix together salt, garlic powder, cumin, oregano, coriander, and cinnamon in a bowl. Cut pork into chunks and coat with the spice mixture. Place the bay leaves in the bottom of a slow cooker and place the pork on top. Pour the chicken broth around the sides of the pork, being careful not to rinse off the spice mixture.
Cover and cook on Low until the pork shreds easily with a fork, about 10 hours. Turn the meat after it has cooked for 5 hours. When the pork is tender, remove from slow cooker, and shred with two forks. Use cooking liquid as needed to moisten the meat. Place on foil lined cookie sheet and bake at 400 for 15 -20 minutes until it looks a bit crispy. Skim fat off remaining broth and add ¼ c chili sauce and 2 tbsp sugar, cook down and pour sauce over meat.
My good MexiFinn friend Emily refuses to give up any of her family recipes. That bitch. These pan cooked enchiladas are tits.
Rounding out our delicious dinner are a couple recipes I’ll just link to.
My Bestie, Lisa, has totally stolen this Mexican bean recipe and makes it soooo goooddd. She’ll be a player on this here food log as Rosie and I attempt to teach the Texas out of her. It won’t be hard and it WILL be hilarious!
This Pina Asada con Habanero salsa is the tits AND the balls. The sweet and spicy flavors are perfect on tacos with some shredded cabbage.
On Sunday, Rosie and I put on our Bacon Pancake t-shirts, and Rosie her gold booty shorts, and cooked up some Bacon Pancakes. The recipe is so simple a cartoon dog can make it!
I almost forgot Lisa’s Atrocity Cake. Lisa, henceforth known as Leesah, has a surprisingly terrible sense of humor hidden under the facade of being the nicest bish in the universe. Every year I make for her some kind of atrocity cake. The first year was 9/11, then Kowloon Walled City, then this Taco Mouf gif she loves, and this year at the last possible moment, she said DUST BOWL. Well! by the time we got around to actually making the cake we were too tired and maybe hungover to do much by the way of creativity, so she got the below shitstorm of a cake.